I am the guy who
Swallowed you whole
Stretched you into spaghetti
And made time stop
At first it was a new pound or
Two on the scale, every morning
Mass increasing, but I didn’t grow
Density climbing
My clothes still fit
And that made me happy
But still pounds continued to
Pile on
Eventually I had doubled
The doctor was at a loss
Never seen anything like it
She phoned colleagues
I heard whispering
There was the period I
Coined as the Slapstick
Period. Where I broke
Chairs and beds and stools
And one futon
I would sit and they would shatter
Stairs whined under my feet
I fell through a deck
At a barbecue
More pounds every day
It became hard to move
My small volume relative to
Its mass
My car rode low and sparked
My feet left impressions in asphalt
I dragged myself to the woods
Alone and knowing
I pulverized the boulder where I rested
The planet like quicksand
I descended through miles of crust
Into the mantle, amidst it for weeks
My skin was torn from my body
My muscle and bones melted into goo
Yet the mass that was me
Continued to the core
The moon plowed into the Earth
This killed everything
That was because of me
In case you were wondering
(Sorry Mom!)
Engulfed and pressed upon by all sorts matter
Tighter and tighter
A hug from the solar system
Heat intensifying, elements fusing
A star for a cosmic moment
Sort of boring to be honest
But polishing off Sol
Was pretty interesting
I went supernova, eventually
Which ejected everything
I collected away from me
At incredible velocities
All that remained
Was the man-sized singularity
The leftovers of the person
Who could never cook
Now I can only be
Detected by what I am not
And everything is still
But still going